…And it’s looking like our future is grim.
Recently, I’ve heard myself lamenting quite often about “kids these days”. With such esteemed role models as Paris Hilton, bingin’ Lindsay Lohan, and a semi-literate former President (thank you, Texas), it’s no wonder that fears about the future generation are growing. Here is a cynic’s list of a few concerns I have for young’ns today…
- Each day, we hear another story about drunk teenagers getting into car accidents, mugging strangers, lighting fires, and/or vandalizing buildings.
Shows like MTV’s “Busted” chronicle these transgressions, but in typical MTV fashion, the thin veneer of morality is superseded by deference to the teenage delinquents (much like the spoiled brats in “My Super Sweet Sixteen”). So, getting arrested is now permanently in the “cool” category. To rephrase President Bush’s famous quote, “Is our children learnin’?”, we probably ought to ask, “Is our jails big enough?” - Also in the “cool” category: There has been a huge swell in the teenage baby-making business. We have seen girls keeping pregnancy pacts and looking for homeless suitors to be their baby daddies. Celebrity teen moms are churning out newborns faster than Levi Johnston can get out of Wasilla. From Juno to Juneau, pregnancy is “in”.
- And just how are these pregnancy pacts being made? Well, by text message, of course. A side effect of improved technology is illiteracy. As kids spend less time at home and more time with iPhone, the language of MySpace becomes the language of our space (oh, snap). That is, all communication will be through a limited assemblage of letters and numbers: C U L8ER, IM GOING 2 JAIL 4 LIFE (but watch my MTV show at 9).
And finally, with countless fellatio-themed jams on the radio, and hit TV shows that glorify sex, drugs, and underage drinking, we must blame the media for its omnipotent role in poisoning the young minds of America. Because if it weren’t for lollipops and Chuck Bass, Jamie Lynn Spears would not be pregnant again. Kids these days…
Considering all this, if the children are our future, I’m scared. I’m hoping that Whitney was in one of her bad spells when she made that prediction. To loosely channel Van Halen via The Kinks, where have all the wholesome times gone?
…Then again, I grew up with Monica Lewinsky, Cuban cigars, a stained Gap dress, and the Starr report moonlighting as a supermarket tabloid. Not to mention 90210, O.J. Simpson, Dennis Rodman in a dress, Pam and Tommy Lee, the height of Jerry Springer, the birth of video games, the Michael Skakel case, beanie babies, Furbys, and acid-washed jeans. All weird, and potentially poisonous to the brain. And I think I turned out OK… So maybe we should just let the kids lead the way… and remind us how we used to be.
2 Comments
November 19, 2008 at 3:26 am
Dear ‘fresh is back’,
Maybe the ignorant people of your generation should quit judging the youth of the world, purely based on the technology we use and the television shows we watch and realise that just because you dont understand us and the world that we were born into (the one filled with the chaos that your generation created for us to clean up,may i add.). And simply because you are beginning to feel middle age creep up on you like a bid hairy spider and your beginning to forget what it was like rebel against those who restricted you and cast aside the conservitive morals set up by your elders. We are you future whether you like it or not so embrace our ways or get let behind.
xx
January 13, 2009 at 10:14 am
Dear “hannah,”
How do we not understand your world if we were the ones who created it? I think you should quit your bitching and actually clean up the “chaos” that we have supposedly created. What have you done to contribute to the progression of our society? Here’s a few steps of advice for you:
1.) Brush up on your grammar and spelling. Conservitive?? Really?
2.) Eat shit and tell your generation to stop producing crack babies.
3.) Consider that perhaps an ENTIRE generation isn’t ignorant and may have legitimate advice for YOUR ignorant stupid ass you ho.
I’m still in my 20s and I’ve already had a mid-life crisis, so yeah I feel old…so I bought myself a porsche. I at least have morals (whether they’re “conservitive” [sic] or not). At the rate you’re going Hannah, I give it two weeks before you’ll be sucking my Montana.