When you start a new job, you’ll always have a learning curve. For the most part, regardless of where you work and what you do, these curves take on the same trajectory:
This is HR.
Orientation: On Day One, you’ll fill out paperwork, watch a company slideshow, and get welcomed by smiling, amiable HR representatives. Orientation is always full of enlightenment surrounding arcane company policies and sexual harassment no-nos. Example: Hugs and kisses in the office are generally discouraged, although exceptions can be made for foreign clients and the CEO’s hot secretary. Handshakes and man-on-man butt slapping are OK. Catcalling and outright groping are cause for termination, except when it happens during sales meeting at Flash Dancers (then it’s just good business practice).
↑ High on acronyms, integrity speeches, and excitement/nervousness for starting a new job… ↓ Low on actual learning
This may be you.
The Grace Period: In the first few weeks on the job, you’re allowed a certain grace period to become acclimated with what your role actually entails. This may involve learning about VLOOKUPS in Excel, copying and pasting charts in Powerpoint, or working the coffee machine in the kitchen. In some cases, you may think a trained monkey can do your work. In other cases, perhaps a fifth grader with terrific Powerpoint skills would suffice. Either way, by now you’ll be able to tell whether you’ll like your job, or if you’re going to hate your life.
↑ High on Microsoft Excel/Powerpoint/Outlook, subtle recognition of official company colors and fonts, becoming acquainted with IT, and finding where the best lunch place is… ↓ Low on actual thinking
Settling In: It’s been a few months now, so you’ve become supremely aware of what your company actually does. You’ve learned the acronyms, discovered the fastest way to the office, and categorized your co-workers: who is good at their job, who is bad at their job, and who will likely become the new sexual harassment case study for HR. You’re working hard and hustling: it’s about getting noticed, getting praised, and getting paid.
↑ High on productivity, systems and processes, boss’ personal history… ↓ Low on time spent with family and friends
Settling Down: By now, you’ve slogged through the 100-hour weeks, impressed your boss several times, and likely violated an HR policy during a company party gone bad. You’re accustomed to all the random nuances of your day-to-day activities, allowing you to spend more time thinking about networking, promotions, and your next career move. Or, for the less-ambitious types, this time affords you greater opportunity to procrastinate, go to happy hour, and talk about what happened on Lost.
↑ High on drinking, Hulu, and visits with HR… ↓ Low on excitement
Once you’ve reached this stage, some might be content to stay in their current role, stake out a comfortable seat on the company org chart, and tuck in for the next 35 years. Others may want to get a new job, get a new challenge, and go through this whole cycle all over again. Personally, with my career schizophrenia and general aversion to settling down, I’m more inclined towards the latter right now. I’d like to play the field, because I want to keep learning, keep hustling, and keep getting butt-slapped. After all, it’s good business practice.
