On this blog, we have talked about how important our friends are. Well…actually, we have discussed categorizing our friends in a modern-day feudal system made up of serfs, peasants, and nobles. Given that references to the Middle Ages may seem somewhat archaic, I have revised our friend-stratification strategy. Introducing, the Friend Bullseye:
As an example, I have taken on the patriotic duty of filling this out for President Barack Obama. There were a few question marks on Barry’s bullseye: For example, is Tim Geithner a “work friend”, a “convenient friend”, or just a poor-performing “acquaintance”? What about Sarkozy, whose overtures to Obama may signal a one-sided man crush? Where does Sarah Palin fit in (especially since Batshit Crazy is already taken)?
I find that filling out the Friend Bullseye can be a rather illuminating exercise. Further, the bullseye can also serve as a gift-giving guide–the closer the friend is to the center, the more money you should spend on birthday gifts: inner ring $75, middle ring $50, outer ring $25… and if a friend misses the board completely, then a Facebook message shall suffice (or at least a Cabinet post).
So, get out your pencils, scour your old yearbooks, and start stratifying your friends. Not only can this help you determine Christmas-gift-worthy friends, but you’re giving yourself a head start on the vetting process for 2012. After all, buried deep in our pasts, we all have at least one Batshit Crazy friend that we’ll have to overcome in our run for the presidency. Sarah, we’re looking at you.
haha, i actually like this alot. but come on…$75 gifts for the inner circle? maybe if i’m the president, but if i’m a brokeass recent college grad, then i’m breaking it down $10/$5/$1. sorry friends.