Everyone in this world has a rival. It could be your BFF, like Bert and Ernie. It could be your sworn enemy, like Tom and Jerry. It could be a totally contrived rival, like the E*Trade baby and Lindsay Lohan. In any case, the worst feeling in the world is when your rival gets spotlight, and you get the shaft.
There are numerous examples of rivals overshadowing their just-as-deserving counterparts. There’s the Anorexic Olsen Twin and the Other One. There’s “Abercrombie” and “And Fitch.” There’s John Hancock and everyone else who signed the Declaration of Independence, except with uglier handwriting.
However, the most lopsided pairing in terms of misguided attention is the rivalry between the heart and the lung.
While lungs have mainly focused on their job (breathing), the heart has developed a frivolous side hobby: enchanting an entire subculture of lovestruck followers. The heart has become a symbol for romance, lust, desire, wanting, turtledoves, cupids, and other things that can make you gag. Its popularity has spawned thousands of songs featuring hearts, from artists like Toni Braxton, Phil Collins, Billy Ray Cyrus, and the Backstreet Boys. The heart has become so synonymous with love that it has catapulted to the top of the vital organs list. We’re fine with losing our lungs, but please don’t break our hearts.
And yet, the irony is that actual hearts look nothing like pictorial hearts, the defacto symbol of love. If you want me to show you the shape of my heart, I’LL SHOW YOU UPSIDE-DOWN LUNGS. But lungs, the dutiful workhorses of our bodies, get no attention. No one worries about lung-ache. No one says “I lung you,” even though “lung” sounds more like “love” than “heart”. Other than Radiohead’s obscure 1994 song, “My Iron Lung,” no one writes sappy songs about lungs, even though we can’t live without them.
Our lungs have never gotten credit for love, romance, and happiness. Instead, the heart has basked in all its glory. Our attention-whoring heart is the A-Rod to every Jeter, the Warhol to every Malanga, the Edison to every Swan.
But then again, times change. So, if you ever encounter another example of an unfair rivalry, a healthy mediation is necessary: sit down with both parties, take a deep breath… and have a lung-to-lung.
